We're the TITS!

CRACK

2009-11-12T21:16:00.000-08:00

When I was young I us'd to wait

On the boss and hand him his plate;

and Pass down the bottle when he got dry,

And brush away the blue tail fly.

Jim crack corn and I don't care,

My master's gone away.

An' when he ride in de afternoon,

I foiler wid a hickory broom;

De poney being berry shy,

When bitten by de blue tail fly.

One day he rode aroun' de farm,

De flies so numerous dey did swarm;

One chance to bite 'im on the thigh,

De debble take dat blu tail fly.

De pony run, he jump an' pitch,

An' tumble massa in de ditch;

He died, an' de jury wonder'd why

De verdic was de blue tail fly.

They buried him 'neath the sycamore tree

His epitaph there for to see

"Beneath this stone I'm forced to lie

The victim of a blue-tailed Fly."

Because I seem to always have shitty things in my head

2009-08-31T17:54:00.000-07:00

Ok, this will sound totally homosexual in the not rad way...

Sometimes when I wake up in the morning, I have the urge to sing this HORRIBLE song. But I switch the "Closing Time" to "MORNING TIME"

How stupid is this? Not at all. I'm so awesome. I just remembered.

Closing Time Lyrics
Artist(Band):Semisonic

MOAARRNING time
Open all the doors and let you out into the world
MOAARRNING time
Turn all of the lights on over every boy and every
girl
MOAARRNING time
One last call for alcohol so finish your whiskey or
beer
MOAARRNING time
You don't have to go home but you can't stay here

I know who I want to take me home
I know who I want to take me home
I know who I want to take me home
Take me home

MOAARRNING time
Time for you to go out to the places you will be from
MOAARRNING time
This room won't be open till your brothers or your
sisters come
So gather up your jackets, move it to the exits
I hope you have found a friend
MOAARRNING time
Every new beginning comes from some other
beginning's end

I know who I want to take me home
I know who I want to take me home
I know who I want to take me home
Take me home

MOAARRNING time
Time for you to go out to the places you will be from

I know who I want to take me home
I know who I want to take me home
I know who I want to take me home
Take me home

I know who I want to take me home
I know who I want to take me home
I know who I want to take me home
Take me home

MOAARRNING time
Every new beginning comes from some other
beginning's end

Just another monday

2009-08-31T17:48:00.000-07:00

Joy: i had no plans

Filth: I was thinkin i kinda wanna lay in the hammock

Joy: but im down

Joy: oh come over!

Filth: need to get out of my apartment

Joy: i have to do laundry

Filth: i'm having dinner with my friends baptiste and pat

Filth: at 830

Filth: then i got nothin

Joy: totes. we can hammock it out in my back yard. do whatever

Joy: im down for whatevs

Filth: unless i decide to play naked on the fwy beause ive lost my mind

Filth: ughhhh

Filth: okee lady

Filth: i'll hit you up soons im done with dinner

Filth: kk

Joy: perfect

Filth: mooowahhs

Joy: penis pump

Tuesday

2009-08-25T15:16:00.000-07:00

Filthy: Tropicana after Hotel Cafe?

Snatchy: hmmmm

Snatchy: perhaps

Filthy: you got bold all the sudden

Filthy: lol

Filthy: ur font

Snatchy: i bolded my typing

Snatchy: and read a self help boook

Snatchy: it's all part of the new me

Snatchy: Ha

Filthy: sweet

Filthy: is that what you did today

Filthy: love it

Snatchy: i listened to music

Snatchy: too

Snatchy: and sent a text message

Filthy: just one?

Filthy: wikkid

Snatchy: just one

Filthy: love that

Snatchy: it's only 3:10

Filthy: great time that is

Filthy: wat else ya do

Filthy: i'm gonna love that fuck out of it

Just another Fly - Joy tit convo

2009-08-12T15:51:00.000-07:00

FltTit: I have a date this week...

FlyTit: I feel weird going on a date

FlyTit: but i guess im allowed to

JoyTit: WITH WHO??

FlyTit: he's an a&r for *******

FlyTit: his name is ***

JoyTit: oooooooooo

JoyTit: ooooooooooo

FlyTit: haha

FlyTit: so ima go meet him for a drink

FlyTit: thursday i think

JoyTit: nice!!!

JoyTit: good for you!

JoyTit: its totally allowed

FlyTit: thats not weird right? He does the same

JoyTit: totally

JoyTit: nope!

JoyTit: i mean.. good for you!!!

FlyTit: and this guy is cute

FlyTit: and a bad ass

FlyTit: so why not

FlyTit: not like im gonna fuck him

JoyTit: awww

JoyTit: exactly!!!

JoyTit: minnnnnnnneaplis

FlyTit: yes!!

JoyTit: whennn?

JoyTit: i'll book my flight tomorrow

FlyTit: lol

JoyTit: not kidding

JoyTit: im making all my trips

JoyTit: im going on peen tour

##########

JoyTit: yesss me too!!! PS. I've been informed the two gays will be there

FlyTit: Of course they will! lol I'll bring my anti - dickhead spray to keep them away.

FlyTit: Or wait... maybe they'd be drawn to the scent of a dick head??? lolol

JoyTit: HA they're drawn to anything dick related. Already asked if i will dance with them 2 brit brit... good lord. will b interesting

National Ho Tit Peen Tour -- Blind item

2009-08-10T16:18:00.000-07:00

(Los Angeles, CA) -- It was announced today that a certain ho is in the middle of a national peen tour. The dates have not been confirmed, but the following cities have been released. My, oh my! These markets are giant! Please let a tit know if you have any more suggestions.

Summer 2009 Ho Tit Peen Tour (dates TBD):

Los Angeles
San Francisco
Minneapolis
New York City
Miami

What ho tits talk about from time to time

2009-07-29T16:20:00.000-07:00

Ho Tit 1: hi

Ho Tit 1: im randy

Ho Tit 1: its been 2 weeks

Ho Tit 2: lolol

Ho Tit 1: what the helllll

Ho Tit 2: your a rampant one my lil pretty

Ho Tit 1: i know. it's bad

Ho Tit 1: PS. this is going on our blog

Ho Tit 2: oh it betta!!

Ho Tit 1: hahaha

Ho Tit 1: hows ur d00d?

Ho Tit 2: hes amazing

Ho Tit 2: hes on his way to my office now to give me my car

Ho Tit 2: ive to go to meet XXX XX at 5

Ho Tit 1: awwww

Ho Tit 2: yummy

Ho Tit 1: WHAT?

Ho Tit 2: yea we work that band

Ho Tit 1: give him my digits. thanks

Ho Tit 2: im the only one he likes :)

Ho Tit 1: of course. you're a fox

Ho Tit 2: hahahahaha

Ho Tit 2: no not like that lol

Ho Tit 1: HAHA

Ho Tit 2: but i sure wouldnt mind that

Ho Tit 2: :)

Ho Tit 1: do it

Ho Tit 1: tell me details

Ho Tit 1: then share

Ho Tit 2: could u imagine

Ho Tit 2: hes so dreamy

Ho Tit 1: god what i would do... for dayz

Ho Tit 1: and nightz

Ho Tit 1: he'd be scared

All Fly Tit Wants

2009-07-28T16:12:00.000-07:00

Is a man that will hold me down on a hospital bed when I have to get a shot in my butt cheek.

Well and some other things >>>

1) Creative
2) Has to be DRIVEN and hardworking
3) Affectionate
4) Trustworthy
5) last but not least and MOST importantly - Can keep a fly tit on her toes, because as my other ho tits know, not even a wedding ring can hold down a fly tit ;)

Ahhh, Interns

2009-07-27T18:09:00.000-07:00

Me: BITCH

Me: IM SO PUMPED

Me: FUCKING ShRED

Intern: shut up!

Intern: XD

Intern: quit screaming!

Me: whatcha talkin bout willis?

Intern: you're fucking loud!

Intern: quit it!

Intern: damn it!

Intern: fuck!

Me: BALLS

Me: im blue balling over here

Intern: lmfao

Intern: why?

Me: because im a man

Intern: what makes you say that?

Me: and thats what happens

Intern: ah

Intern: I see

Intern: agh, blue balls suck

Intern: I feel ya

Me: i know

Intern: well, you stink

Intern: so maybe thats the cause of your blue balls

Intern: ?

Intern: ha!

Me: probably, i'll be totally hon

Intern: lol

Intern: no, Im tellin ya

Intern: you STINK!

Me: i know

Intern: lmfao

Intern: jk

Me: kick a man when he's down

Intern: im jk!

Intern: well

Intern: not really

Intern: haha

Me: i smell and i have blue balls

Intern: that's probably the worst combo I've heard all day

Intern: lmfao

Sending Good Energy to Joy Tit

2009-07-27T16:07:00.000-07:00

Good Look! Your weekend will be the tits!

Just let loose and enjoy yourself! Not to loose though, that doesnt feel good for any parties involved... who like throwing a sausage down an alley? Nobody. They like to be placed safely in a tight warm bun, hold the ketchup.

Fly Tit loves you

It's been a year!

2009-07-24T10:44:00.000-07:00

Good grief!

About to see a man who I haven't really seen in a year. An important man. Used to be THE man. Grabbing some leftover items. Not sure how a Joy-tit feels about this. He's still obvs butt-hurt and it will probably last a good... hmmm 5 seconds?

Wish me luck ho-tits. Wish me luck!

Update upon my arrival.

-- penis

Fly Tit on the Real Tip

2009-07-23T20:00:00.000-07:00

So, question of the day is......

How Does One Know They Are Being Played??

Its a tricky one.... you cant take all the advice your male friends give, BECAUSE they could secretly be into you and wanting to sabotage so they are there to pick up the pieces and fingers crossed get an anger fueled/sadness riddled/fuck men/I hate you bone fest.

Your girlfriends are, well your girlfriends and in their eyes NOBODY is good enough. Another tricky situation. They see all the shit you miss, and bring it to your attention which is greatly needed. We can be blindly in love and need that outside nudge sometimes.

So the answer is, nobody can tell you. You cant drive the car from the passenger seat, you have to grab the wheel with both hands and go for it! 200mph! If you get hurt you get hurt, but fuck it life is too short to always be so guarded. YES protect yourself, but dont doom shit from the beginning. Who knows, he might feel the EXACT same way.

Alright, Fly Tit on the Real Tip.

I'm off to the airport.

Fly Lil Birdies

2009-07-22T14:34:00.000-07:00

Do yo thannnnngggg!

Fuck it. Be free! Knowaddimean??

Can I Get A Ho Titness!??

2009-07-22T13:25:00.001-07:00

DO NOT INTERRUPT US WHILE WE ARE TALKING PLEASE!

Outside Temp: 1000,000 degress

Major props to the fly-tit

2009-07-22T10:36:00.000-07:00

Love that pancake post. I had some last night and I was so happy to eat that satan cake.

Ever been in love with a real hooker?.. totes!

my vibe..
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_W9kcxdPPjk

I'd Fuck A Duck For A Pancake Right Now

2009-07-22T10:23:00.000-07:00

Who doesnt love pancakes?

Especially when they have orange zest butter on them... trust my, try that.

Also, if you dont have Maxwell's album get it and listen to it while you eat the pancakes...

Always yours,

Fly Tit

Who Can Resist A Ho Tit?

2009-07-22T09:54:00.000-07:00

Not me!

Especially not a Fly Tit.

You know, in Hell-A us tits do our thing. We work hard, play hard and most importantly we keep our men hard.

As I sit in my office doing the devils work, trying my best to stay focused and not think about the nastiness that will ensue when the yummiest man in the world gets here tomorrow, I cant help but ask... how did I get so lucky!

Current mood: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6bYCpDrmMHw

LA la lA la La

2009-07-22T03:34:00.000-07:00

Three servings of soygurt. I'm regular.

One trip to ol jim. Fuck ellipticals, aka machine that does nothing.

Four go's round the Muse single. Love you like cooked food but cmon boys, Queen much?

One hundred twenty three emails. I'm. Not. Here. Figure. That.

Seven free hair products. Maybe If I put all of you on my head at once, I'll see Barney?

Twenty. Thingamabobs? I've got...

Two tits. Glorious.

I'd like to watch Daria now please.

Love and other things,

Kevin McAllister

Nausea

2009-07-21T18:12:00.000-07:00

it's been 3 days now. why? why!
pregs? stress?

so much h8 for the tummy.

but im a ho tit! so it's all good

-jtt. (jonathan taylor thomas) (joy tit tay)*

What it's like being a ho-tit

2009-07-21T16:14:00.001-07:00

It's really fucking rad.
Let's go

Love,
Joy-Tit